Sunday, May 26, 2013

Breaking My Habit, Day 19: FEAR


This 4-letter word is the reason why we humans don't live up to our full potential. I don't know about you, but it is true for me.

I  have a lot things that I fear in my life. I didn't really admit it before, but it's true.

Fear of rejection made me nervous when I had to meet new people. Fear of uncertainty made me paralyzed whenever I stand under the spotlight. Fear of failure demotivated me from trying new things. Fear of getting hurt discouraged me from playing sports. I've become a frog in the shell, indeed.

My mom already said that to me a long time ago, but it takes some time for me realize it myself. I wasn't being honest with myself these whole time. My ego was too big to admit that I was full of fear.

And no, I don't think there's an easy cure for this. It's easy to say "face your fear" or any kind of motivational pep talk, but like always, doing it is always the hardest part. 

But fear isn't always bad, at least for me. It has its uses. Sometimes it can make me see things more clearly.

I have a new fear now. I fear that one day I will wake up wake up and hate myself for being too scared of everything. I'm scared of being a plain old person stuck in his plain old job, complaining about life. Doesn't it sound too familiar? Reminds me of Mr. Incredible before he quits his insurance job, or the main character in wanted before he become an assassin.

"Oh, if only I could get another job."

So this new fear drives me whenever I've had a choice to make.  Which choice that I'd normally not take simply because I was too afraid (even though it's a good choice)? Then just like that, I know which option to choose. 

Ok, see you later people, and (I know it's late) happy Vesak Day for those who celebrate it!